Op het prachtige Schloss Buchenau (Hessen, Duitsland) kwamen het afgelopen weekend honderdtwintig warme, lieve mensen uit Duitsland, Zwitserland en Oostenrijk bij elkaar tijdens het Überregionales Poly-Treffen, georganiseerd door PAN (Polyamores Netzwerk). Ik was de enige Nederlandse, kende helemaal niemand en wist niet met wie ik een slaapkamer zou delen. Best spannend voor me!
Warme ontvangst
Bij aankomst werd ik meteen herkend door H., die samen met A. achter de ontvangsttafel stond. H. had mijn boek Ich liebe zwei Männer gelezen en daarover een recensie gepubliceerd op Amazon.de. Leuk om elkaar zo onverwachts te ontmoeten! A. legde me uit hoe alles werkte en hielp mij met het vinden van mijn kamer. Ik deelde mijn kamer met drie vrouwen.
De rest van de middag kon ik lekker relaxen op het grasveld voor het Schloss, in de stralende zon. Er was een open, warme sfeer. Ik raakte in gesprek met verschillende mensen, zoals U. die met zijn Harley Davidson was gekomen. Enkele mannen boden aan om met mij van bed te ruilen, zodat ik met drie mannen kon slapen. Dat deed ik maar niet ;) U. wist gedurende het weekend vele vrouwen te verleiden tot een rondje achterop de Harley. Ik hoorde superlatieven zoals ‘orgastische ervaring’.
Kennismaking
’s Avonds na een uitstekende broodmaaltijd kwamen we allemaal bij elkaar in de grote zaal. In een grote kring maakten we kennis met elkaar. We vertelden in een paar zinnen aan elkaar wie we waren, waar we vandaan kwamen en op welke manier we poly in het leven stonden. Vervolgens was er gelegenheid om een specifieke groep mensen naar het midden te roepen.
Uit de tientallen oproepen herinner ik me nog de volgende:
• Iedereen, die voor het eerst gekomen is
• Vrouwen, die ook van vrouwen houden
• Mensen die van koken houden
Naakte ontmoeting
Toen ik de volgende ochtend de dames doucheruimte binnen stapte, stuitte ik op een naakte man en vrouw. Ze hadden net gezellig samen gedoucht. De liefde/verliefdheid straalde er vanaf. Zij hadden elkaar voor het eerst ontmoet op het Poly-Treffen precies een jaar geleden. Sinds een maand woonden ze samen. Ik schrik niet zo snel van een blote man, dus hup… mezelf ook maar uitgekleed en onder de douche.
Tijdens het ontbijt stelde de man zich voor als V. en maakten we nader kennis met elkaar. Hij vertelde dat hij een workshop/discussie leidde over polyamorie in een sociaal-culturele context. In mijn lezingen over polyamorie gebruik ik het Spiral-Dynamics model om te laten zien, waarom polyamorie voor sommige mensen nog heel moeilijk is, en voor anderen niet (meer). Ik laat zien dat een kwantumsprong naar een andere manier van denken (ook genoemd paradigmashift) nodig is om succesvol polyamoreus te kunnen leven. Vaak willen mensen de geneugten van de polyamorie, maar houden ze ondertussen krampachtig vast aan de (schijn) zekerheden van de monogamie. Dat werkt niet (meer hierover in het mini e-book ‘Mono-polyamorie').
Polyamorie en het Spiral Dynamics model
Ik vroeg V. of hij bekend is met het Spiral Dynamics model. Tot mijn verrassing bleek hij dit model zelf ook te gebruiken als kapstok voor zijn betoog. We zaten helemaal op dezelfde lijn! Het was voor het eerst dat ik iemand ontmoette, die ook polyamorie en het Spiral Dynamics model met elkaar verbond.
Tijdens zijn workshop genoot ik van zijn theoretische inleiding over het model in samenhang met polyamorie. Hij verwoordde zijn denkbeelden bijzonder goed en uitgebreid, anders dan ik, waardoor het leerzaam was. Een eyeopener in de discussie vond ik de opmerking van een psychotherapeut: ‘Ik krijg regelmatig oude mensen in mijn praktijk, die kampen met eenzaamheid als hun partner is overleden. Monogamie is voor de oude mensen van nu geen goed werkend model meer.’
Wenn man mehr als einen liebt
Tot mijn verrassing was Felix Ihlefeldt, schrijver van het boek ‘Wenn man mehr als einen liebt’, ook aanwezig. Ik vond het erg leuk om met hem wat ervaringen uit te wisselen. Zijn boek zat al in mijn koffer. Ik ben meteen begonnen met lezen.
Voor ieder wat wils
We startten met een gezamenlijke workshop, waarbij we nader kennis met elkaar maakten en leerden om elkaars grenzen te voelen en te respecteren. Vervolgens kon iedere deelnemer zelf workshops aanbieden. Op deze manier ontstond een compleet programma. Iedere ronde was er keuze uit vier alternatieven. Er waren praat-, voel- en doe-workshops, ik herinner me nog:
• Theaterstuk over poly
• Polyamorie kringgesprek 
• De ik in mij
• Argentijnse tango
• Oefenen met echt contact leggen
• Diepe Yoga meditatie
• Body-writing
• Erotisch koken
• SM voor beginners
Geweldig om te zien dat er uit deze groep mensen zo’n mooi aanbod aan workshops tot stand was gekomen! Je kon ook ‘daten’. Als je interesse voor iemand had, dan kon je dit opschrijven op een kaartje en in de ‘date’-brievenbus stoppen. Bij wederzijdse interesse werd je allebei op de hoogte gesteld.
Zaterdagavond kwamen ongeveer veertig mensen bij elkaar op de Kuschelparty. Zelf heb ik gezellig zitten kletsen met een paar mensen, onder het genot van een glas rode wijn.
Hulde en complimenten
Bij het aankleden trokken mijn setjes van de bekende Nederlandse lingerieontwerpster Marlies Dekkers (ook te koop in Duitsland) de aandacht van mijn kamergenotes. Zo ontstond op onze slaapkamer een gezellig gesprek over lingerie. Vlak voordat ik weer huiswaarts ging, verraste één van mijn kamergenotes mij en sprak met twinkelende ogen de Nederlandse woorden ‘Ik hou van jou’.
Ik heb genoten van alle mooie contacten, gesprekken, workshops en de vele knuffels die ik dit weekend heb uitgewisseld met mensen! Het was vier uur rijden, maar helemaal de moeite waard. De volgende keer ben ik er graag weer bij.
Hulde en complimenten aan alle mensen van de organisatie!






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